Saturday, August 1, 2009

CCSG Chapter 5: The Worship Service

Read about this series of posts here, The Christian Culture Survival Guide.

Worship is cringe worthy. I’ve wasted too much time of my life in worship services, time that could’ve been used doing something productive (like reading good literature). And from the outside looking it, worshipping anything just because it’s self-labeled itself “god” is scary. It’s scary because people are willing to suspend disbelief for an unsubstantiated claim and revere it to such a high degree.
Regardless, here is Paul Turner’s list of 7 Church clichés that need to go.

1. Announcement in the middle of praise or worship services.
2. Praise and Worship Flags.
3. “Visitor” Time. Nobody likes being called out in the middle of worship service.
4. Praise and Worship Guitar Solos. (My reason would be that “rocking for Jesus” is embarrassing.)
5. Interpretive Dancing. (“Dancing for Jesus” is also lame).
6. Five minute sermon prayers.
7. Any mentions of sports by the pastor. I have no problem with this, really, because it forces the pastor to return to real life (even if for mere minutes).

Don’t worry, though. Turner makes sure to offer 5 suggestions for churches to revamp their services. (This list isn’t serious at all).

1. Rhythmic gymnastics (to go along with the worship flags).
2. Pastors should enter from the rear entrance, followed by a mini “Jesus-parade”.
3. Making public displays of pastoral counseling to be a regular thing. (For those who like Dr. Phil.)
4. Internet capability.
5. Pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs instead of doughnuts and coffee Sunday morning.

Turner paraphrases Mathew 18:20 at the end of the chapter.
Matthew 18:20 (New King James Version)
20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.
That’s right. At the mall, grocery store, or park (it doesn’t matter where you worship). But, I have a better idea. How about you decide to live your life, and recognize the moments when you do something good. Recognize the goodness in others. Recognize that you’re able to accomplish great things, without the unfounded belief in an imaginary being.

Instead of worshipping this god, investigate if he even exists in the first place.


  1. Guitar Hero Jesus? I thought that was a piss-take, until I had a closer look at the website. Wow.

    "Includes over 50 pulsating hits by top Christian artists"

    I couldn't name one. And I am glad of that.


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  3. Sorry, off on a tangent now;

    the website also sells "christian" computer games, including "adventures in odyssey and the treasure of the incas". If you search for the manufacturers website, they have this claim;

    "Here we have a game that addresses faith, determination, and redemption; it also emphasizes the skills of logic and reasoning, problem-solving, and critical thinking...a mystery has developed involving Eugene's archeologist parents. . . .

    Why do I get the idea that this claim is not entirely accurate?



  4. Wow, I didn't really know that.
    Those games look like a blast- Solomon Says: The Bible Trivia Volume 1, Dance Praise, Super 3D Noah? Hours of fun to be had with those...

  5. Wow, that is quite hilarious. I think it goes to show the greed that religion can be used to feed. Anything to sell a product and make some money. How can anyone really think that the people who make these products are true believers?